Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
