Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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