I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
