He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Drake has all the answers
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
