Umm I'm too high to move.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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