She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
