she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
