no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
