Michael Bay diarrhea
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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