remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
