you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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