And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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