happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
