FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
