They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
