so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
