Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize