we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
