Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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