How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
be right there i have to get my cape
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
