why didn't you poke me back
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
