Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
