"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
