Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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