did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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