I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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