Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I need to calm my uterus...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
