As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
