His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
