susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
