he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
