New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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