I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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