his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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