And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
