you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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