I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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