I am puke
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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