everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
