Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
