Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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