So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
