Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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