the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
