I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
