i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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