i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I smell like Dick and happiness
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
