i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
