see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
