She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
