Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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