my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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