But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
