i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
