i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
