mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
