I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
3pm strippers are depressing
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Of course I have a pirate flag
They are going to name an STD after you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
