Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Randomize
