Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
