if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize