Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
