he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
