i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
