my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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