Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
