I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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